Hunting The Muse

Well I've had a goal

Well I've had a goal of letting my brain settle but it hasn't really set in yet. It's an odd feeling. I've always been about re-inventing myself. I guess this is another go-round. What's strange is that with all the potential transition - changing jobs, if not careers; the potential end of a relationship; my desire to buy a house - it doesn't feel exactly agonizing... but the problem is that I feel just wasted right now. I realized yesterday I've just been focused on how tired and beat up I feel and for a couple weeks there I had forgotten to hope or make goals I was excited about. So now I want to figure out what I need to do to be able to feel optimistic again. It might be as simple as finding a life salesman somewhere that talks about how cool something-or-other is.

The other thing that might help is that I am thinking of joining a health club - I've never done that before though and have never really had any friends that were health-club-regulars - willpower would get me through the first few sessions but after that I'd want to feel like there would be social reasons to keep me coming back and I'm not sure if everyone else would seem like a freaking alien to me. :-)

If anyone has suggestions on how to delve inside and find goals, I'm all ears - what I usually do is just get out a piece of paper and start free-writing about everything I can think of doing - but unfortunately what really happens is that the stuff that comes out is all the goals I've made in the past that I remember wanting to do and then discarded for one reason or another. Even though the reasons might have been good it ends up feeling like a big old busy-headed guilt trip. I'm more in the mood to seperate wheat from chaff and boil everything down to what really excites me... but I can't think of a writing or list-making exercise that fits for that and *doesn't* end up with that busy-headed feeling. Maybe I just need to go for a hike or something (in the Portland rain, yeah right). Posted by Curt at November 11, 2001 11:54 AM