you're huddled here
in this tower
the ground shakes
in time to your sobs

debris falls and strikes me
i am pelted by sharpness
the pain is deep
but the wounds close quickly

you ask me to leave you
and i try,
at times

when i am gone,
i know your sobs subside
i see the tower stop shaking

but you are still inside
and the tower must not stand

i enter you
you shake again
my presence stabs you
more debris strikes us

you beg me to leave
but the tower must not stand

I try and shield you from the rubble
but not too much
I am struck often
but the wounds close quickly
for I know it is light outside

the tower must not stand
but you rage at me 
for pulling it down around you
why do you enter me? you ask
to ruin everything and hurt me?

i claw at the mortar
i rip at the stone
i push over walls and 
pull down ceilings
i smash brick and lava and rock 
we cough in the dust and dirt
as I gently try to explain

i want to find what will remain
when we are done

I pull thickly

the mud of meaning
my rake of intent

gets caught on slime and trash

I pull thickly

my voice hoarse, wet
my throat full

I pull thickly

"it's a pond!" 
i say brightly,
defiantly

it floods me with trash

I dredge

I snag on discovery, I stop.

My throat is tighter

i stop.

So, a week ago I landed an interview for Thursday the 24th, last night. That was a couple of days after having that annoying telephone conversation wtih the recruiter where I had most of the skills they wanted on paper, but didn't have a couple of their brand names. Then the next day they mentioned that another consultant they had placed over there had taken a look at my resume and thought I might be a good fit. Then on Tuesday, upon inquiring about a separate position through the same consulting agency, they mentioned that a bunch of people were going to be over there that afternoon to take a technical test as part of the interview screening process - it didn't sound like I was invited.

Then a few minutes later, I got the call that asked what I was doing in twenty minutes. They had three potential consultants going over there to take the test, as part of a larger group all applying for the job either directly or through other agencies, and the consulting agency had had a cancellation and a last-minute opening. So I blazed over there and took the test.

Then yesterday, they said they wanted to interview me. I must have done solidly on the test because I later found out that the other two agency consultants weren't asked to interview as of yet.

So last night, I went ahead to the entirely different interview, at that small four-person design firm. After a brief bit of minor nervousness at the beginning (I hate the "tell me about yourself" questions), I got on a roll and it felt pretty good. It seemed like they weren't quite sure about me as a fit for the salaried position, as I might have been a bit too technical, but they then mentioned that they also needed a perl programmer for freelance work, which sounded great. I left my card.

So today I went to my interview through the consulting agency, and it felt strangely easy. Three cool, non-geeky guys about my age softballing me behavioural questions. It was only about twenty-five minutes, half of which was them asking me if I had any questions. Joked around with them a bit, and took off.

I went and played piano for a couple of local music-theatre directors, which didn't go too well, and came home. I had told the consulting agency that I would be out all afternoon, because it is Friday and I just needed to recover from all the expended energy and didn't really want to deal with a bunch of negotiating. They started calling me after lunch to tell me I had gotten the offer. It sounds like I was first choice - first guy interviewed. Kind of surprising because I guess that means I performed best on the test, which I hadn't been expecting at all.

I put it off for a bit and sent an email to the design firm telling them the situation - the president wrote me back and told me she was impressed by me and wanted to pursue freelance opportunities. It sounds like there is a good chance of getting around 500 hours of work through them this year. I have to figure out my rates.

Then I felt a bit more recharged and called the consulting agency - there was a snag with what I was expecting the salary to be. The salary offer was about 6% below what I was asking, which was what I made at my last job, but the last job was only three months and didn't really count. What sucks about it is that it's the same salary I was making two years ago. Economy or no economy, it's hard to feel like I'm spinning my wheels in terms of career growth.

So that's it. Emotionally I feel really good, noncomplicated, hopeful, and excited about the freelance opportunity. Ten hours a week, decent rates? Sign me up! I don't need a lot of money and would rather have the free time. But I have also seized on the idea of getting a house and piano this year. And for that I need a salaried job. So I might take both. If I can do it. It sounds like that would involve some social sacrifices, but that might be okay... I'm not doing much. The salaried job sounds kind of annoying in some ways - just from feeling grumpy about life. I might have to be there by 8 (ugh), parking is expensive, just sounds like a bummer all around. But the people seem cool, the agency has been decent so far, and the technology sounds interesting (and valuable to my resume). So maybe I'll do both.